Midnight soliloquy

It's way past midnight and I am wide awake, 
Thoughts streaming, out of the window i stare.
It's calm and quiet and it's not just outside,
my heart feels at peace while wind ruffles my hair.

So I start talking to myself, for the conversations sake, 
so tell me, how does it feel to be on your own? 
Tell me, did you fight till the end just to lose it all?
Do you miss childhood, now that you're young and grown?

Honestly, you thought forever was for-ever?
And that what is called love isn't just a state of mind?
You thought, you don't have friends who would support you?
That people will not take you for granted for being polite and kind?!

Don't you think things would have been different, if you could just be you?
If you could spill what’s in your heart and not be too smart,
With the words you choose and the way you  let things lose
And let go a part of you and have no clue !

And tell me, how many times did you lie to yourself, 
Didn't you knew it from the start, 
but you were too strong to give up?
Was it easy to settle peace with your heart?
Oh and when did you learn that smile that's so made up?

And I said  no,
no it wasn't easy, I made it breezy,
I know I lied and I tried and tried, 
And all that you said, yes it is true,
I let go of me and I had no clue. 
But all that bothering is lost in thin air, 
It's calm and quiet and it's not just outside 
My heart feels at peace while wind ruffles my hair !

Pandora Dreams

I remember the time my father 

asked me what I wanna be,

little kid I was 

and far future I had to see.

And so the very next moment, 

I was caught in a daydream,

a place I could see,

and the person I wanna be.

Those times are gone, just faded memories,

I have grown into this person who is not me,

I tell myself, such is life,

and I tell myself, I don't have a choice!

young and brave and strong we are, 

deprived of love, carry the fire.

Proud of myself, is what I feel,

and its building a wound, that's difficult to heal.

What's done is done, 

what's gone is gone,

I've learned to welcome the day and make it mine,

Yet some days I wish I could turn back time.

But some things you cant go back to,

So I would just put the blame on you.

And things I would do and call it help,

But deep down in my conscious I am fooling myself.

Its never too late, 

I will keep me alive,

I said I will recover, 

and took a deep dive,

to the edge of time,

to that dream of mine.

In The Answer

Why is it so,

that now I have a reason to be unaware of the world,

to regret for something that's not commited by me,

to be partial to one, other than me,

to present an attitude that's unnatural,

to take decision, that in the end, are in vain.

Why is it so,

that now I take time, and sometimes very quick,

that I pine for something, and then allow it to under-hold by my attitude,

that I sit among all, but feel alone,

that I go nowhere, but wander in air,

and if I go somewhere, I feel dispassion-ed.

why is it so,

that I see the sky, choked with clouds,

and I breathe high to feel the rain,

but when I come to my concious, its sunny.

that I open my fist, to touch the beauty,

but it pains, cause it just pretended to be, its fishy.

that I loved to smile, but if I receive any, its an ostentation, its cunning.

that I take a step, necessary, sure-footed, and when I reach conclusion, I over-stepped it.

that I feel ignored, avoided, when interrogated, I'm replied, high expectations in the answer.

Why is it so,

that when I look at the sky, I see stars that adds sympathy, as I am the victim,

that's shows the beauty, that's fake to me,

that tells me your distance is lesser than ours,

that past is what went happy and is shining  like us,

that I am here with many, but only to shine alone, no; not !!

Don't let distance make difference or difference make distance,

for the question of why has go no existence,

and still why is it so

that we discover our existence in those questions.

Why ???

When You Live

When your mind is free and your soul is high,

when people smile at you, who you just passed by,

when hardship rains on you, yet your heart feels dry,

when days come when you laugh and the days you cry.

when the sky is covered with the clouds of doubts,

when you weep you beg you scream and shout,

when you think of things you talked about,

when all the promises made, blacked out.

when you agree on something you denied,

when you would be too feminised,

when you are honest about the times you lied,

when to adjust with them a part of you died.

when you try and try and try and fail,

when you memorise that special day with every detail,

when you are messed up and you look so pale,

when there is too much love followed by betrayal.

when sometimes you think and do and sometimes you do and think,

when you're living your perfect dream, until you blink!

when you're pink, you wink, you clink your drink,

when you're sad and mad and your heart does sink.

when you sit and think of the good old days,

when your heart broke in so many ways,

when you are walking down a lane of haze,

when you make it till the end and your hard work pays.

when you realize what matters the most,

when you have someone to share your coffee and french toast,

when you hold hands while you walk on the coast,

when you were so far, yet you looked so close.

when you feel happy when you give,

when you hug and kiss and forget and forgive,

when you know you could relate to all of it,

well, that's who we are,

and that's when you live !